The Fork That Feeds My Soul

When I was a child there was a word that fascinated me a lot. The word was “fork”.

I used to paint a fork in my mind while I was keeping my eyes tightly closed. The fork was there in front of my internal eye… so beautiful… so perfect… such an amazing fork.

Seeing myself holding it I used to repeat its name… fork… fork… fork… nonstop.

It was one of my favorite games. While repeating the word “fork” and staring at the fork painted by my mind, I always noticed that the fork was first losing a tooth… and after repeating the word a few more times… another tooth would disappear… and so on until the forth tooth of my perfect fork would vanish. Of course, I never knew where those teeth disappeared to.

They were gone but the fork was still in my mind… and I continued to repeat “fork”… until the paint disappeared also… completely… until nothing remained of my paint.

What kind of a game was that, maybe you are asking yourself. Oh… it is still a preferred game for me even if now the child in me has long been an adult.

What I liked about this game was the fact that even if my “fork” disappeared from my sight, I could still sense the essence of the fork. The only thing was that by the end of the game its name no longer represented anything for me.

Weird… isn’t it?

Well… the game has never stopped.

There was a second act…

I knew some French also. After the English word “fork” disappeared I used to suddenly say it in French, “fourche” and instantly in front of my eyes a “fourche” would appear. It was so interesting for me to notice that my new “fourche” was looking exactly like my old “fork”.

Act two continued… I repeated the word describing the object in my painting… fourche… fourche… fourche… until the first tooth disappeared… then until the last one couldn’t be seen with my eyes anymore… However, I liked the game because after my eyes lost the paint altogether… the essence of my new “fourche” was still there, allowing me to sense it.

And what was amazing… the essence of my new “fourche” was the same as the essence of my old “fork”. At least I perceived it so.

No, my game didn’t finish there.

One of my grandmothers was Russian and she spoke only in the Russian language. So… in my game there was always a third act… painting an extra new “vilka”. For my ears it sounded so nice repeating it… vilka… vilka… vilka… I always liked the third act because it was proving to me that the essence of the word “vilka” was the same as the essence I already knew.

This was my favorite game when I was a child. But… the best part of this game was only after it was finished. I had two grandmothers and each one was speaking another language. In my child’s mind, I always found this to be funny.

Each time after my “fork” game ended I was going into the kitchen to eat something… with a fork, of course. Usually one of my grandmothers was there to watch over me. I really enjoyed informing my Russian grandmother that I was eating with my “fourche” and of course in the days when my French speaking grandmother was there, I was eating with my “vilka”.

But this was not the funny part… it was when a grandmother was looking at me while her eyes were saying… “poor kid… she can’t understand anything… a vilka will never be a fourche. How can anyone even try eating with a fourche?” …and vice-versa.

Funny… I still find this to be so funny…

I used to feed my body by handling the essence of a tool with so many names.

And I was always wondering… What is a Word? And… What is essence? I have already found the answers a long time ago… or at least I perceive that I have found them. Therefore, I will let you find them also.

But… I was always wondering with what to feed my soul?

Can I feed my soul with God? Or would it be better to choose an Alah? I can eventually try using YHWH or Elohim.

Moreover, I will always wonder… Do I ever need to name the essence who’s feeding my soul?